Continued from the previous post:

Everyone knows about *our* (really just mine, but I like to share) infertility. At first we were quiet about it, after the 2nd miscarriage only close friends knew or people that had asked me what was wrong. I'm not very good at keeping secrets, even if it is something about me. If you know me in real life you would know what a loud mouth I am. I'm always the center of attention and glad to be there. I feel like I rule my school and talk to everyone, even if they don't know me yet. I needed to be loud about my infertility so it wouldn't just fester up like a bad splinter. I tend to hang out with the older people in my classes just because I'm an old junior (when you think about 19 year olds being juniors.) They always ask if we have kids and depending on the circumstance, I tell them then and there why we don't have kids. I almost feel like it's helped me find my voice in this big world and helped define me as a person.

Happy ICLW!

ICLW

I had this post written two weeks ago for ICLW and I thought I had it set to post on the 21st but apparently not.

Hi! Welcome to my blog, ICLWers! My name is Ellen. I'm 23. I'm a chemistry student going into my senior year. I'm a prepharmacy student but some of my professors are pushing me to get a chemical engineering doctorate or just a plain chemistry doctorate. I have PCOS, POF, and MTHFR so we have given up all chances at having a baby. With me going back to school it would be years until we could think about adoption or surrogacy so we are just done. We had a dog named Lily, who is just as spoiled as a baby would be.

Lots of people have been doing questions for ICLW lately so I leave you with this question: Are you open with your infertility? Do your family, coworkers or friends know? Do you feel that people treat you differently or do you wish they would?

(My answer on the next post.)

Lately

I know I am MIA for months at a time but as the previous post explains- it's for my sanity. So many people have turned to their blogs as a way to make money, which is fine, but it shouldn't be the sole purpose.

I have 10 days left of this semester (yay!!) I stopped babysitting so I would have more time for school (aka watching tv on my days off.) I work about 4 hours a week in the women's center at the local hospital. I have always worked l&d, nicu, peds, picu, and postpartum so why let infertility stop that! I recently had an amazing job offer to work in the IV pharmacy at my old hospital but the hours wouldn't have worked with next semester. I also was asked to be a Chemistry 2 tutor for two lab classes at my university, so I will be doing that instead.

Classes are going great. I'm really kicking ass in Chemistry and I love the SHIT out of it. My favorite professor has been slipping me random job info about careers with a doctorate in Chemistry instead of a pharmacy doctorate. I would love it but I don't know how realistic that is.

Infertility still lurks in the back of my mind but I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. People still get on my nerves when they bitch about their pregnancy (even if they feel that they are due that right.) Or when I see a 15 year old with twins. It probably helps that I go to school with younger kids that are still scared of getting pregnant. And there will hardly be any parents (at least moms) in my doctorate program because no mom in their right mind would sign on for that.

Well that's all I have for now-- see you in a month or two.

If you miss me, you can always follow me on twitter!

Winter Babies

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125356566517528879.html

READ THIS

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/10/life-after-infertility-treatments-fail/

Taking a break from blogging.

My blog used to be a place where I could write and get wonderful support about infertility and TTC. A lot of people don't understand my "choice" to not continue some kind of treatment. First of all, it's not my choice, it's "God's" choice or whoever you want to blame for something like that. Yes, we could adopt. And who knows maybe in 10 years we will. But that will only cause me to relive my pain from infertility and the pain of being in limbo again. Yes of course I want children but I don't want to ruin my life to get there.

My husband's college friend came this past weekend. He lives in DC and I've never met him before. He commented on my personality and my mood as always being happy and positive. This is who I am now. I remove myself from situations that make me uncomfortable and I'm better than ever. I don't really give a fuck what you think about that either.

I check back in once on blogger once and awhile. I can't BELIEVE how some people have gone completely off the deep end around here!

BTW. School is good. I'm totally rocking this semester. My education will be my baby apparently.

Abortion

How does an infertile deal with a "friend" having an abortion?  This is the 2nd "friend" since my miscarriage that has had one.  Please help me make sense of this.