ICLW

I'm a blogging slacker. Since starting my new summer job on June 2 I haven't had ANY time for any extra anything.

For those ICLWers tuning in.

My name is Ellen.

I have MTHFR, a genetic mutation that fucks my blood up. I also have PCOS, a stupid "syndrome" that fucks up my ovaries. And newly this week, I have been diagnosed with POF, Premature Ovarian Failure. It seems my reproductive health can all be described with abbreviations. I am learning to live with these "failures" (seriously, they couldn't come up with a better word?)

I am married to a wonderful man, William. He is truly my strength through all this. Recently, William and I have decided to live child-free instead of working towards adoption or surrogacy. Some might think this is selfish, but those people can blow me. I commend people for adopting. It takes a very special family to adopt. I don't necessarily think I have to explain and I probably won't be able to do so very well. I don't have the will to go through more heartbreak if I can help it. The miscarriages and infertility took me to a place that I don't want to be ever again. It hurt our marriage and my friendships, among other things. We are finally able to be "newlyweds" for the first time and it is great. We are getting our passports in the coming weeks and planning on traveling as often as we can.

Time to brag about my puppy. Her name is Lily. She's 5 months and growing so quickly, she's almost 3 1/2 pounds! She's a long haired chihuahua and the light of my life :) If you want to see some pictures check out my other posts or facebook me (ellen moore.)

Well I think I rambled my little heart out. If you have any questions feel free to ask! Oh yeah, and if you are easily offended or don't like the word fuck, my blog might not be the one for you! Thanks for stopping by!

Fuck. I'm in a shitty mood again. I should be out celebrating because finals are almost over but no. I'm in a fucking bitter and shitty mood. I don't know how I can come out of this. I'm so fucking pissed off at everyone and everything. I think I might only be happy if I block myself from the whole world. I'm not even leaving my moms house on Sunday because if someone wishes me happy mothers day I am probably going to punch them in the face. No shit. I talked to my husband today at lunch about it too. He had no pearls of wisdom and is in a pretty shitty place too. We weren't going to leave the house Sunday but my mom wants us to come over for mothers day. When she suggested this I said, "fuck mothers day!". And I don't cuss around my mom. She of course understood and said we could have a fuck mothers day celebration. Sounds good to me. Ill be back later from a real computer to go more in depth about why I feel like this. I bet you can't wait to hear more bitching! I know I can't!