I ordered my copy of Silent Sorority! I can't freaking wait for it to get here.
I have 3 best friends, one has 3 year old twin boys, one is pregnant with twins, and one is getting married in a few months. It should be such a happy time. I'm bitter... I shouldn't feel this way. I'm the world's worst friend.
I was reading a blog the other day that compared RE visits and infertility to a drug. That's exactly it. It takes so much to withdrawal from it then someone comes around and makes it look easy* and makes you want to run to your "dealer" for another fix. Too bad there isn't a 12 step program for this.
*Easy- Let me explain before I get mad comments. This term is used loosely, if anyone gets pregnant with less meds/cycles/treatments than I have I can't help but to think it was easy.
Now, how am I going to get through this and get on with life? I would love to leave the bitter behind but right now it's unrealistic. I'm doubting everything I've ever known. There can't be a god in a world like this. How in the world can someone get blessed with multiples if I can't even get one. There just can't be a higher power and leave me feeling this way. AND don't fucking say that everything happens for a reason.... that's impossible. I've worked in health care far too long to know this.
I've thought about seeking therapy. But I know that if this person has children they have no idea how I feel. I would like a barren women psychologist (or psychiatrist so I can get drugs) but I'm afraid that's impossible.